Goldilocks and the Three Bears
by Do The Cool Whip
Summary: The real story of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". Not the crap appropriate version we shove down our children's throats. Everyone neeeds to know the truth of what happened in that house. Heavily implied Fractureshipping


Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!

**The Truth about Goldilocks and the Three Bears**

This is the story of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". When I say this, I mean, the real story. Not the shit version that is appropriate for little children. Honestly, this story has been passed around so much that the actual events that happened have been completely mangled.

For starters, "Goldilocks" wasn't a blond, that gag came to cover up the true identity of the person that went through this. After Uzumaki Naruto (1) showed endless stupidity and incredible luck, he gave all blonds a bad name. Thus, to symbolize how stupid our main character was, they became a blond. Secondly, "Goldilocks" wasn't a girl; _he_ was a male, and a thief. His name was Bakura…

* * *

'_Perfect, the place is empty.'_ Bakura smirked to himself as he surveyed the last room of the house, from his position on a tree branch. He jumped down and landed silently on the ground. He calmly walked to the front door, upon arriving; he pulled a lock picking set from his back pocket. Within seconds he had the front door swinging open. As he strolled into the house, he reached into the sac hanging over shoulder, and retrieved the blueprints for the house.

'_The painting is supposed to be in the master bedroom. But then again, how would Seto obtain that sort of information?'_ After a moment of studying the blueprints, Bakura put them away, and headed over to the stairs. After climbing them, he entered the room that was at the end of the hall.

Spotting the closet at the far end of the room, he opened it, and was met with quite a surprise. _'While I'm here, I might as well help myself to a few of these toys. Akefia will definitely enjoy them.'_

Examining a large whip, Bakura measured out the pros and cons of taking it. Eventually, he decidedthat it would be too heavy for him to use on his lover, and there was no way he was bringing it to be used on himself.

Next, he looked at a flapper, making sure to carefully examine it. It was closer to what he wanted, but he found it to be too flimsy to deliver the type of sting he wanted it to.

Bakura gasped as he saw the last object. It was a hand woven cat o' nine tails, and it was exactly what he wanted. Tossing it into his sac, Bakura looked around the closest one last time, noting the painting was nowhere to be found. Exiting the closet, Bakura noticed an enlarged photograph on the wall that he had previously missed. It looked normal enough, but something about it bothered him.

Approaching the photo, Bakura took it off the wall, and ended up being face-to-face with a medium-sized- vault. Spinning the dial on the safe, Bakura randomly selected three numbers from the top of his head. **2-16-8** after entering the last number, the safe popped open. With a smirk, Bakura reached inside and pulled out the painting he had been looking for.

After carefully putting the painting in his sac, closing the safe, and replacing the photo, Bakura surveyed the room. Deciding to raid the rest of the room, Bakura placed his sac down beside the bed, before heading over to the dressers. Rummaging through the dressers, Bakura realized that nothing of interest was in them. A few blindfolds, some gags he wanted to take (but didn't because Akefia had a way of getting them in his mouth, even when he was being quiet), and other miscellaneous objects. As he reached the last drawer, a set of objects finally spiked interest.

He eyed the first cock ring carefully. He wasn't under any illusion that it would fit him, and seeing as it was custom made, there wouldn't be any adjusting it. It looked like it would fit Akefia, but appearances could be deceiving. He left it alone because, there was no point in stealing something he wasn't sure he could use.

The second ring, Bakura decided against immediately. It was way too feminine for his taste, and he had a feeling Akefia would mock him endlessly for stealing it. Though, even knowing he didn't want it, didn't cease his temptation to steal it. It clearly was adjustable, and it looked as if it'd fetch a few pretty pennies.

Picking up the last cock ring, Bakura pocketed it. Admittedly, if it hadn't been for the first cock rings, he wouldn't have known what it was. Three elastic bands were tied in an extremely intricate and complex manner. Though having fiddled with it for a few minutes Bakura came to understand how it worked.

Checking his watch, Bakura decided it was time for him to leave, as he headed over to the bed to grab his sac, something shiny caught his eye. Attached to the headboard of the bed was another set of items. Grinning Bakura began to look them over, in order to obtain his last prize of this heist.

The first item was a thick course rope, thinking hard about them Bakura rejected them, because it probably caused chaffing.

The next item was what had caught his eye; a pair of delicate silver handcuffs was calling his name. Regardless, as much as he wanted them, there was no point in taking them, as they'd be too easy to get out of.

Lastly was a length of black silk rope, and running his hands down the length, Bakura realized it was high quality silk. With a smirk Bakura began working on the knot that kept the silk attached to the headboard. He became so focused on the stubborn knot that refused to untie that for a moment he forgot where he was.

And that was his biggest mistake. The "bears" entered their home while Bakura was thoroughly distracted.

* * *

Now, obviously, the bears weren't bears. Where that idea came from, is a mystery that is best left unsolved, solely for sanity's sake. The first clue that something is off about them being a bear, is the fact that they lived in house. It may have been on the outskirts of town near a forest, but it was a house nonetheless.

Now the three residents of the house were human, and they weren't a family… well not in the sense that is depicted in the common version of this tale. "Papa Bear" was actually a large angry Egyptian male, with spiked blond hair and cold violet eyes. He enjoyed inflicting pain on his lover, and everyone else he came across. He made sure anyone who crossed him, or happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time regretted it, especially Malik who looked so much like him. His name was Marik.

"Mama Bear" was a smaller softer version of Marik, and what he lacked in size, he made up for with his personality and sharp tongue. Because of this he was constantly at war with Marik, as their personalities often clashed. Most people were convinced the two hated each other, as they often made attempts on the other's life. It was an unhealthy and unstable relationship, and probably would never have happened if not for their mediator, whom they were quite fond of.

Lastly, was Ryou or "Baby Bear", he looked a lot like the thief who had broken into their house moments ago. With long flowing silver hair, and his green eyes, that were either soft and kind or sharp and mischievous, and never anything in between. For the most part, he resolved Malik's and Marik's fights and murder attempts by bringing their aggression to the bedroom. The most notable thing about him, was that while he refused to provoke Marik, he greatly enjoyed Marik's random fits of aggression and anger, and his often spontaneous urges to torture someone, especially if he was that someone.

* * *

When the residents of the house returned home, they had expected to fool around in the master bedroom, before retiring to their separate rooms. What they weren't expecting was to find someone kneeling on their bed, attention focused on the headboard.

Immediately Marik sprung into action, grabbing Bakura from behind. With a smirk, he wrestled Bakura to the bed, and he used his thick rope to secure Bakura's hands to the headboard.

"What the fuck?" Bakura spat out as he glared at the person who had managed to sneak up on him. Realizing that the house's occupants had returned caused his heart to beat faster than normal. Forcefully calming himself, he tried to think of a way to stall the situation, until either: he thought of a way out of it, or some much unneeded help arrived. Akefia never did let him stay out very long… "Can I help you?" he snarled at the blond above him.

Marik raised an eyebrow at the question. "Seeing as this is my house, I have a feeling I should be asking you that."

Malik made a move to correct Marik over whose house it was, seeing as how he paid a third of the mortgage and bills. Fortunately, Ryou elbowed him hard in the side before he could start a fight.

"In that case, yes, you can untie me." Marik slammed his fist into Bakura's face at his response.

Malik noticed the sac beside the bed, and ignoring Marik, he walked over and examined its contents. To his surprise, the painting that Ryou had stolen over a month ago on a whim, stared back at him.

"Looks like we have a thief on our hands." he purred. Pulling out the painting, he held back a snicker at the look on Ryou's face. Ryou was very possessive of his things; regardless of whether or not they were stolen goods.

Marik smiled as he thought of causing the thief agonizing pain, while Malik prepared to throw the sac to the side, only to realize another item was in it. He held Ryou's cat-o-nine tails out for the rest of the room to see.

"First my silk, then my painting, and now my cat-o-nine! Do you have my cock ring as well?" Ryou hissed at him.

"Actually, first it was the cat-o-nine, then it was the painting, and then the silk." Bakura "skillfully" dodged the question.

Ryou glared at Bakura, greens eyes that had been soft moments ago hardened. Advancing to the bed, Ryou began to pat Bakura down, thoroughly searching each of his pockets. Eventually, he came across his hand made cock ring, while Marik headed to the closet.

Marik returned moments later, the large whip Bakura had contemplated stealing in tow. "I doubt you know how to use half the toys you were going to "borrow". You don't need to worry though, we'll teach you, and who knows, maybe you'll learn not to steal from us." Marik began to chuckle cruelly while Malik began cutting away Bakura's clothing with a knife he had grabbed from the side table.

Marik smirked and snapped the whip to his side, watching as Ryou attached handmade the cock ring to Bakura. Pulling away, Ryou smiled at Marik, "I'll go get some more toys to play with," and he skipped to the closet.

The hard look in Ryou's eyes had melted, and when he returned with the aforementioned toys, Marik's smirk returned.

"Time for your lesson to begin." he said.

"What if I'm not in a learning mood?" Bakura replied.

"That's too bad, because this lesson's mandatory. But, I guess that makes you lucky."

"How so?"

"You don't have to steal it. It's completely free of charge."

Marik's response was the sound of Bakura screaming, as the whip cut into his chest.

* * *

In the forest, Akefia, Bakura's large Egyptian lover, heard his screams. Recognizing the pitch of the screams, and knowing what caused them sent him running to the location of Bakura's heist. Truthfully, he didn't know why Bakura insisted he wasn't loud. He would scream non-stop if he wasn't wearing a gag, at least now, he could prove this by telling Bakura that his screams led him to his location.

When he got to the house he noticed that the front door was unlocked, and so he let himself in. Following the sound of Bakura's screams to a room, he opened the door, and his suspicions were confirmed.

Bakura had been caught.

He sighed, "Bakura, how many times have I told you not to get caught?" Everyone's eyes snapped towards him, and Bakura's body relaxed slightly at the sight of Akefia –not that he would ever admit it. "Now, now, Bakura, don't look so relieved to see me. I have no intention of freeing you, besides, you look good like that."

Nobody made a move to argue with him about Bakura's looks. He had been strung up from the ceiling, the thick ropes that had been used to bind him to the headboard, was now attached to a hook previously unnoticed. He was covered in minor lacerations from the whip and the knife. Also, his pale skin was dotted with red marks and candle wax. But the fact that he was painfully hard was testimony to the truth. And the truth was that Bakura was thoroughly enjoying his lesson.

Bakura glared at Akefia as his lover settled himself on the dresser.

Marik smirked at the intruder's reaction; while Ryou returned to his work between Bakura's legs. Malik walked behind Bakura, a long object in his hand. Moments later a faint buzzing was heard, and Bakura began screaming again.

"Any request?" Marik asked sarcastically, at the sight of Akefia masturbating.

"Yeah, a blindfold."

"Top left drawer." Marik stated before going back to "teaching" Bakura. Akefia found the blindfold and quickly used them to blind Bakura. With a smirk, he decided to help teach Bakura a thing or two.

* * *

Now the question remains: how on earth did this tale become one of porridge, broken chairs, and beds. The truth is the broken telephone effect came into play. When Akefia was retelling the story his choice of words wasn't always the best.

He told Yuugi, the shoemaker, that Marik "had really given it to Bakura" (in reference to the beating). When the shoemaker had interpreted the story, he had assumed Akefia meant food. Since he couldn't recall what he was given, he chose porridge.

When Yuugi told the story to Jou, the baker, the story changed again. Jou knowing that Bakura was a thief figured Bakura had broken into the house, and stolen the porridge. When he heard that "Bakura came right through it, it was unbelievable." He assumed he had broken it, and not remembering what Bakura had supposedly broken, he chose a chair.

Now, the grocer, Honda, had heard the story before Jou came to him with it. He could easily pick out all the wrong bits of information, but thinking it would be funny to leave Jou with the wrong info he didn't bother to inform him. However, when his nephew begged him to tell him the tale of what happened to Bakura he decided to use Jou's version with a few alternating details.

He couldn't tell the kid that "the moron had been used so hard he could barely move let alone walk". So instead, he told him that Bakura had been so tired that he fell asleep on the comfiest bed he could find. And to cover up the amount of screaming heard that night, he told him the sight of Marik and the others had frightened Bakura so much, that he had run all the way home screaming.

This had of course pissed Bakura off to unimaginable proportions, as that soon became the town's official tale of that night. Akefia "lovingly" suggested that Goldilocks replace Bakura in the tale. "A stupid blond brat is the perfect cover for your fuck-up. What would you do without, Naruto?" Bakura had not objected, because by this point in time, the bear family had been created.

But the thing that pissed Bakura off the most was that no one seemed to remember the craptastic last line to his tale.

And so, after his escapades with the "bears", Bakura and Akefia moved into the house on the outskirts of town, to live with their new lovers (they had tried living in town, but the constant screaming scared the children). And they lived happily ever after.

**The end.**

(1) I have nothing against Naruto. It's just a fact, he's has an amazing amount of luck, and he's not the sharpest kunai in the pouch. I just need a fake well known blond person, and he fit the bill.

Lastly, this should be edited later… maybe. I'm tired now, and I just wanted to post something.


End file.
